Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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