I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
