So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
