So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
