Your face is a jimmy john
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
