I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
