If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
