I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i out mim tonsoeep
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
