Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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