A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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