dude i'm inner monologue high
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
