The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
