I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
