Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
