its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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