she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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