Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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