I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
