the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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