God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
