sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
