Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
