Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
