Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i think im in europe. pls send help
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