I faked an abortion last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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