so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
