Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
