I cockslap morals
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
