I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
