He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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