saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
