you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
