spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
