Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
