quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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