i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
