we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
