Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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