Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
