I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
