K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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