yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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