You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
