last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
