This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
