Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
