Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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