standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
