thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm at about main and main street
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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