i think i have herpe
just one?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
