He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
