so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
